1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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