Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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