it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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