I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I color on your dick again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
