i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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