i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
