It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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