69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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