Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
