we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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