My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
