She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
