I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
