my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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