its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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