could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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