Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
