So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
