just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
FUCK WHALES
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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