I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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