i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
