If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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