She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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