Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
