i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
