Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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