i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
