I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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