i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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