dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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