Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
