Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
