I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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