I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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