Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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