my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
