My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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