so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
