He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
high people should be assigned attendants
you win again, gameday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
