wrigley field is MILF paradise
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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