I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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