i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
