Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
