well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
