Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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