He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You dont lie about slip and slides
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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