You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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