ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
