Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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