We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
