He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
