I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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