I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
