how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
