I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
