I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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